This A Real Wifey stuff has me thinking! What is the number one trait that you think A Real Wife should have? Comment with your answers and comment on other answers!
This should be interesting!
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Tuesday, January 19, 2010
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I actually made a video showing some of the "best" #arealwifey tweets from today. :-)
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdGCJMwIdM4
Nice video! I wasn't in it though!!! Gasp!
ReplyDeleteYou said: "Get over it ladies a real wifey needs a real hubby and vice versa... This i'm single and don't need a man stuff isn't even an argument. Just leave the thugs alone and find a good dude! "
ReplyDeleteand this is what I'm feeling at the moment...
Dig a little deeper to find the root of the reasoning that would encourage a chick to stay single.
It's hard to decipher who'd be a good hubby and who wouldn't. (Same goes for a wife.)
You can date someone for years, be married to them for years, and when finanical hardship happens, "a better deal comes along", or they start thinking the grass is a little greener in the bachelor's yard... they are gone. "Gone like yesterday." And you might not have even seen it coming.... See More
Some folks have been abused, or have selfesteem issues. Some have been manipulated into believing that they won't find better, or that even if they find better - better won't want them.
So yeah, "a real wifey needs a real hubby and vice versa"..the problem is how to know the real from the fake.
I know what my definition is of a real hubby, and I don't expect perfection...but I look around and cannot help but fear that the moment I take a chance and give someone a piece of my heart, it might be destroyed. And if a piece of your heart is destroyed, it's pretty difficult to fix it...
This is a very hopeless perspective, one I wish to fight against, but I can see how many people stay single for this very reason.
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
I can identify, but I don't want to be burdened by this hopeless perspective. I will choose to love, and if I must lose what I love, may God gather the pieces of my heart and put them back together again. Lessons learned, memories made, neither of which I want to fade.
But it's scary to do, to trust again. When it's not just one man, or one woman who has contributed to your fear of getting in too deep. It's not just men, or just women, it's society as a whole - because we are sinners. And yes we can work towards healthy and realistic expectations, and yes we can forgive and be forigiven...as long as both people are working towards the goal of a healthy relationship, there is hope for a wonderful, wonderful marriage. But when complacency strikes, and temptations strike, and the other person packs and leaves - you can't work with that. It's just not possible.
That, my friend, is why some folks want to stay single.
ALTHOUGH ITS NOT FAIR to those of us who really would be a genuine, loving, wonderful wifey or hubby...it IS a legitimate feeling - legitimate thought process.
So try to be patient, and understanding of those of us who have to take our time, or find ourselves a little nervous, or start to wonder if we should just stay single...
It's a scary thing, to give someone your heart.
I know.
OMG! I love it Jessica! Usually I have a long dissertation after these kind of things but everything was said perfectly! I can agree and have felt and given some of these pains. My home girl give you two thumbs up. lol!
ReplyDeleteI read that quoted paragraph and was like ol' lord here we go. But when you said you wouldn't want to be one of those I breathed out and now I know there are strong women in this world! I have tried to break through those barriers from good girls that have been hurt and have been very unsuccessful.
I would like to re gear the comment above only to those girls that jump in and out of relationships like dolphins jump out of water... lol.
That is a good post dude. You should take these and save em somewhere!
We could do an online talk show or sum...
Thanks, man. I appreciate your understanding of this perspective. Keep working with those good girls, they need a good man to show them what it's like to be able to trust again.
ReplyDeleteIt's easy to fall into that mindset of the quote I posted, it's alot harder to know what "could" happen, and choose to allow yourself to be vulnerable regardless. But the best things in life cannot be reached without risk...I believe this with all my heart.
AND...until you experience the negatives you can't even fathom the gravity of the positives. You can't know what it means to love and be loved, without knowing the opposite. It hurts to go through those pains, but it makes the happiness oh so sweet, when you find it. And like I said before, it's memories made and lessons learned.
"Growing pains", that's what my momma always called them. Lessons, that is. "You've gotta get through the growing pains to get stronger. And the pain always ends with you becoming a stronger person. UNLESS you give up."
Keep posting things like these, you're exercising my brain - and you have me talking about things that matter. It's hard to find folks who like talking about things that matter. Most of them avoid it.
Thanks for purposeful conversation, man.
God bless you!